Breaking the Cycle
We’ve all been there—you set a goal, you begin with boundless enthusiasm, then you stumble, and suddenly you find yourself back at square one. If you feel as though you’ve tried every trick in the book and still end up in the same old pattern, you’re not alone. The real issue isn’t simply about willpower or discipline; rather, it’s about what we believe about ourselves, especially when we face setbacks. Below are four key steps to help you rewire your mindset and finally break free from the cycle.
1. The “I Will Fail” Belief → Rewrite It Step by Step
One of the greatest obstacles to lasting change is the belief that you’re destined to fail, simply because you’ve failed before. This feeling can become so ingrained that you enter any new challenge thinking: “It’s only a matter of time before I mess up.”
Why This Mindset Hurts You
When you’re convinced you’ll fail, you often unconsciously look for evidence to support that belief. For instance, if you’re trying to eat healthier, and you slip up for just one meal, you might immediately think, “This always happens. I never stick to anything,” which can lead you to give up entirely.
How to Overcome It
- Focus on the Present Day
- Example: Let’s say your long-term goal is to exercise five times a week for three months straight, but you’re overwhelmed by the idea of staying committed for so long. Instead, commit to just today’s workout. Tell yourself, “I only need to follow through for today.”
- Reasoning: When you concentrate on daily success, you free yourself from the anxiety of having to be perfect forever. You’re essentially saying, “I can worry about tomorrow when it comes. For now, I just need to stick to my plan right now.”
- Affirm a New Identity
- Example: Perhaps every time you complete your intended workout or stick to your calorie limit for the day, say aloud (or write down), “I am someone who follows through on commitments.”
- Reasoning: Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, acting as though it’s true begins to shift your self-perception. Over time, these small repeated confirmations build into a genuine sense of self-belief.
- Tip: You can keep a small checklist on your phone or in a journal. Each day you succeed, tick it off and add a short statement of self-affirmation, like “I keep my promises to myself.”
Putting This into Practice
- Start small: Pick the easiest possible habit that nudges you towards your bigger goal. For instance, if you want to run 5k eventually, start by committing to jogging for 5 minutes today.
- Revisit your wins: At the end of each day, briefly review the commitments you kept. This helps your brain register evidence that you can succeed, rather than focusing on past failures.
By re-framing your thinking to “I can succeed today,” you stop handing so much power to your past failures. Each new day becomes a fresh slate, allowing you to let go of self-defeating beliefs and steadily reinforce the idea that you are capable of lasting change.
2. “I Always Relapse” → Change How You Handle Setbacks
It’s easy to slip into a “What’s the point?” mindset the moment you veer off course. But the real damage isn’t done by the slip-up itself; it’s caused by allowing one mistake to derail your entire plan. Recognising that setbacks are a normal part of any growth process frees you from the all-or-nothing trap.
Why This Mindset Hurts You
When you believe that every lapse signals complete failure, you’re more likely to abandon your efforts altogether. A single dessert binge can turn into a week of junk food, or skipping one workout can become a month-long hiatus—all because you’ve convinced yourself there’s no point trying any more.
How to Overcome It
- Implement an Immediate Reset
- Example: If you were aiming to keep your calorie count low but overindulged at lunch, don’t wait until tomorrow or “next Monday” to fix it. Instead, make a conscious reset within the hour. Drink a glass of water, go for a quick walk, or jot down how you’re feeling in a journal.
- Reasoning: By taking a positive step straight away, you interrupt the downward spiral. You’re telling yourself, “One slip doesn’t define the rest of my day—or my week.”
- Stop Catastrophising
- Example: Let’s say you miss a gym session because you overslept. Rather than saying, “I always mess up; I might as well not bother going again,” try reframing it to, “I messed up today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go tomorrow.”
- Reasoning: Catastrophising transforms a small setback into a big problem. Acknowledging your mistake as a temporary blip helps you bounce back faster.
Putting This into Practice
- Plan Your Reset Strategy in Advance: Think of a quick, constructive action you can take immediately after a lapse—like replacing the missed gym session with a short walk or mindful stretching. This way, you’ll know exactly what to do when a setback occurs.
- Track Your ‘Turnarounds’: Keep a note of every time you recover quickly from a slip-up. Seeing these mini-successes written down can remind you that you’re capable of righting the ship, no matter how many times you drift off course.
By making a quick recovery your new habit, you begin to view relapses as speed bumps rather than dead ends. A small mistake is just that—a small mistake, not a full stop on your progress.
3. “I Have No Self-Belief” → Prove Yourself Wrong in Small Ways
When you’ve tried repeatedly and still see no long-term success, it’s natural to start doubting your own willpower or ability to change. Often, this lack of self-belief comes from looking only at big, daunting goals—like losing 20 kilos or running a marathon—rather than celebrating the small milestones you achieve along the way. Cultivating a mindset of constant improvement, rather than a rigid expectation of perfection, can help you move forward.
Why This Mindset Hurts You
If you see every challenge as “all or nothing,” you’ll overlook the incremental progress that genuinely proves you can succeed. By ignoring your mini-wins, you give more attention to your missteps, which reinforces the belief that you’re simply not someone who can follow through.
How to Overcome It
- Start with Easy Wins
- Example: If your ultimate aim is to improve your overall fitness, begin by committing to a single short walk each day or drinking a glass of water before every meal. These are small enough steps that you’re unlikely to skip them.
- Reasoning: Each time you fulfil one of these “foolproof” habits, you’ll collect evidence that you are capable of following through. Over time, these small proofs of success build up your self-belief.
- Reinforce the Positives
- Example: Keep a physical or digital note of any beneficial choice you make, such as opting for a healthier lunch or resisting a late-night junk-food run.
- Reasoning: Spotlighting the positive rather than fixating on lapses helps shift your brain’s focus towards your capabilities, not your perceived shortcomings.
- Adopt a Constantly Improving Mindset
- Example: Rather than saying, “I have to exercise perfectly five days a week,” remind yourself, “I’m aiming to be a bit better than I was yesterday.” This might mean extending your walk by five minutes, or choosing a side salad instead of chips once in a while.
- Reasoning: Viewing each day as a chance to improve—no matter how small that improvement might be—creates momentum. Instead of being paralysed by perfection, you become energised by progress.
Putting This into Practice
- Celebrate Micro-Wins: At the end of each day, list three things you did right, even if they’re tiny.
- Set Mini-Challenges: For instance, challenge yourself to one additional glass of water or an extra 100 steps tomorrow.
- Track and Reflect: Look back weekly or monthly to see how your small actions have added up. This reflection often reveals far more progress than you initially realise.
By focusing on small, consistent steps and adopting a mindset of gradual self-improvement, you’ll start to see how capable you really are—one success at a time. Overcoming “I have no self-belief” isn’t about grand gestures or overnight transformations; it’s about making daily choices that steadily reinforce your inner confidence.
4. Make It Real Right Now
It’s easy to tell yourself, “I’ll start on Monday” or “I’ll tackle this later when I feel more motivated.” But the uncomfortable truth is that motivation ebbs and flows—it’s rarely constant. Waiting for the perfect moment can lead to endless delays. The real difference-maker is taking a tangible step now—even if it feels small.
Why This Matters
When you procrastinate on your goals, you’re effectively lying to yourself about when you’ll realistically begin. You’re also giving your moods too much power: relying on motivation alone often leads to inconsistency. Instead, choose to break down your tasks into manageable chunks, face the reality of your current habits, and make a simple, honest commitment you can keep today.
How to Put It into Practice
- Break Down the Problem into Smaller Steps
- Example: If you want to overhaul your diet, don’t try to change all your meals at once. Pick one meal—perhaps breakfast—and focus on making that healthier this week. Then move on to lunch or snacks once breakfast feels automatic.
- Reasoning: Bite-sized goals are far more likely to be accomplished because they don’t demand a massive overhaul overnight. This method also helps you build momentum and confidence without becoming overwhelmed.
- Have an Honest Discussion with Yourself
- Example: Take a few minutes to journal or record a voice note acknowledging where you truly stand right now. Do you often binge-eat to cope with stress? Are you overspending because you feel you “deserve” a splurge after a tough week?
- Reasoning: Facing the reality of your current situation can be difficult, but not confronting it only prolongs the problem. By being truthful—“I’m eating this way because I’m avoiding other issues”—you set the stage for meaningful solutions.
- Set One Daily Rule You Can Keep
- Example: Decide on one promise for the day: “I will not eat after 8 PM,” or “I will walk for 15 minutes after lunch.”
- Reasoning: Even if your motivation flags, having a single, clear rule keeps you grounded. You’re less likely to rationalise excuses when you have a straightforward commitment.
- Plan Your Immediate Reset Strategy
- Example: If you break your promise—say you do end up eating after 8 PM—don’t wait until the next day to correct course. Instead, choose a quick action within the hour: go for a short walk, do a brief breathing exercise, or write down how you feel in a journal.
- Reasoning: Immediate resets nip the all-or-nothing spiral in the bud. One misstep doesn’t have to ruin your entire day or week if you bounce back promptly.
- Identify One Tiny Action to Build Self-Trust
- Example: This could be as simple as standing up to stretch every hour, or taking a 10-minute break from screens to rest your eyes.
- Reasoning: When you successfully complete small, consistent habits, you’re proving to yourself that you can follow through. Over time, these small wins change how you view yourself—from someone who can’t commit to someone who does.
Putting It All Together
- Embrace “Now” Instead of “Later”: Don’t wait for a magical burst of motivation.
- Face Reality Without Judgement: Acknowledge where you are and why.
- Keep It Small and Doable: Break large problems into smaller steps.
- Don’t Lie to Yourself: If you slip, be honest, then reset immediately.
It might feel overwhelming to tackle big changes all at once, but setting small, realistic goals, focusing on self-care, and practising good self-management can make a huge difference. Even something as simple as giving yourself five minutes to tune into how you’re feeling—both mentally and physically—can help you spot patterns, reduce stress, and keep you moving in the right direction.
The key is to start right now, not tomorrow. By turning your plans into small actions today, you’ll create real momentum and prove to yourself that change is possible. That said, everyone’s journey is different. The tips in this post might not be a perfect fit for you—so experiment, be self aware, discover what works, and adapt as you grow. The goal isn’t to become perfect overnight but to get a little better each day.
